man i cant fucking sleep but i just was thinking. there’s certain things i can’t look at or do without being reminded of something or someone. there’s songs i cant listen to the same anymore, movies i cant watch. activities i used to do but they’re tainted by memories. no matter how long these people have been out of my life, some of them i’m happy that they’re gone, their existence still resonated with me. part of me hates it, because some of these people i haven’t talked to in YEARS. then, some of these people i despise with a burning passion. i don’t WANT to remember them, but it’s hard not to in moments like this. i don’t know what to do to change this. does it ever change ? does it ever get better ?
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Ceejaythe630th
Sorry you're going through this, sounds like you have been through a lot if everything is starting to remind you everything in your past. I don't think there is anyway to truly forget about the people you hate, but the feeling of remembering the past will eventually go numb.
I watch a weird scene of a movie that creeped me out as a kid, and I developed a weird mannerism of holding my hand to my chest. This went on for a couple years until I reached somewhere in late elementary school/middle school. Over time I forgot the whole thing and stopped the mannerism, and I didn't even realize it.
I also had a phase where every night I went to bed I would remember a song I heard from my past , each would be different because of how many I remembered. By the the time I finished saving and looking up every song I remembered, it all just stopped. I was thinking that it might've been the assurance that I can go back to a song without having the stress to remember it, but that's a personal theory of mine.
Point being: You are never truly going to forget stuff, but that's ok. You just need to find your joy in life and use it to preoccupy your thoughts, kind of similar to dealing with anxiety. Live now and don't think about what happened then, because whatever happened then is over now and it won't come to hurt you anymore. If you live with these memories but still go on enjoying your life with no regrets, then there shouldn't be a reason to worry. I know how difficult it must be, but overtime all the bad memories will disappear. Even if you remember them very later in your life, as long you come to terms with your past or you don't overthink about it, then it will all just be there, and you will forget again as if it was another ordinary memory.
I'm sorry if I didn't do much to help, but this is the best I could muster. I hope you get some rest.
FRIDAVERSE
this actually helped a shit ton, thank you so much for your kind words when i needed them. i’ve been getting better over time, but that night was just one of those moments where all those feelings came back out of nowhere, and i was like D A M N.